True Luna by Tessa Lilly (The White Wolf Series Book 3)
Finding My True Mate || Chapter 118 – Anger and pain (Logan POV)
I walked into my office and sat down at my desk.
How the f*uc*k was I supposed to focus on my job? How the f*uc*k was I supposed to do something when I knew that another man was coming for my mate?
I wondered where he was. Was he close? Would he come to my pack today? Would he come tomorrow? Would it be in a week or in a month? What would I do when I saw him? How the f*uc*k would I stop myself from k*ill*ing him?
How the f*uc*k would I survive if he took my mate from me?
I wouldn’t. It would k*ill me.
I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
“I would ask how you are, but that seems like a stupid question.” Drake mumbled as he sat down on one of the chairs opposite me.
I moved my hands from my face and sighed.
“I wouldn’t know the answer to that question anyway.” I mumbled. “I’m barely holding it together.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath.
It was so f*uc*king hard to describe what I was feeling. I was angry. I was in pain. I was terrified. I was so f*uc*king terrified. I was sick to my stomach. My body was in pain. I was incredibly sad. I wanted to scream. I wanted to sob. I wanted to explode and burn the f*uc*king world down.
But I couldn’t. I f*uc*king couldn’t.
There was nothing I could do except wait. There was f*uc*king nothing I could do!
“You are not doubting Emma’s love for you, right?” Andrew asked me. “Of course not!” I answered immediately.
I could never doubt her love for me. I knew how much she loved me. I felt it every day. She loved me as much as I loved her.
I tightened my jaw and took another deep breath.
It felt like something was sitting on my lungs. No matter how many breaths I took or how deep they were, I just couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. “I just wonder how much she will love him.” I mumbled, as my heart clenched painfully. “I wonder if she will love him more than she loves me. I wonder if her love for me will disappear. I wonder if…”
My voice broke, and I stopped talking. I bent my head down and closed my eyes.
Pain gripped my body. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t feel my heart.
Leon was distraught. He couldn’t decide if he should k*ill someone or just lay down and whine.
‘We can’t k*ill him.’ I told him. ‘She would die with him, Leon.’
‘I know.’ he whined.
“F*uc*k, Logan, no.” Andrew said, making me look up at him. “She won’t stop loving you.”
I knew that. But what if she loved him more?
“I know that.” I mumbled, clenching my fists. “But if he is her Goddess¬given mate, she could love him more than she loves me.”
“She won’t.” Andrew said, shaking his head. “She doesn’t love you because of the bond, Logan. She is in love with you. The bond didn’t make her do that, you did.”
I remembered what she had told me yesterday.
“I can’t believe that I am about to say this in front of Drake, but I also didn’t fall in love with Daisy right after I met her.” Andrew continued. “The bond made me want her, but it didn’t make me love her. All of that came after a while.”
I looked at Andrew and took a deep breath.
“My guess is that it came after you realized that she wouldn’t hurt Emma.” Drake said, making us look at him.
“That was one of the key points, yes.” Andrew nodded. “Especially after what happened with Sienna. I was so f*uc*king suspicious of everyone.”
“Understandable.” Drake sighed.
“Now I know that Daisy would claw all of our asses to protect Emma.” Andrew chuckled.
Drake snorted and nodded. “Daphne would help her. I think Daphne thinks that Emma is her pup.”
Andrew and I chuckled.
“Asher probably convinced her that she is.” Andrew said, shaking his head. Asher was so f*uc*king protective of Emma. Sometimes I wondered if he was even more protective than Leon.
‘Impossible.’ Leon growled.
I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to take another deep breath.
“My point is that the mate bond does make you want your mate, but it doesn’t make you love them.” Andrew said, looking back at me. “Emma will want Alpha Nathan, but she won’t love him.”
Just thinking about her wanting another man had me ready to scream and tear the world apart. I knew that there was nothing that she could do to stop it. I knew that he was her true mate as much as I was. I knew all of that, but I couldn’t accept it.
How the f*uc*k was I supposed to accept it? How the f*uc*k would I survive the moment Emma saw him for the first time? How the f*uc*k would I survive hearing the word ‘mate’ come out of her mouth?
A knock on my office door interrupted my thoughts.
“Come in, Anna.” I said, recognizing her scent.
She opened the door and peered inside.
“Is this a bad time?” she asked.
Every time would be a bad time until my mate became mine and mine only. “No.” I said. “Come in.”
Anna stepped inside and closed the door behind herself.
I pointed at the other chair in front of my desk. She approached it and sat
down.
“Where is Emma?” she asked me.
“Home.” I said. “Why?”
“We need to finish our conversation from yesterday.” Anna said, looking at Andrew and Drake.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my messy hair.
“What is it about?” I asked. “Can it wait?”
I wanted Emma to rest today. I didn’t want to burden her with anything else right now.
“No.” Anna said, shaking her head. “I need to have this talk with her before Alpha Nathan gets here.”
“What is it about?” Andrew asked, making Anna look at him.
“It’s about her heat.” Anna said, making me freeze.
Her heat? She never went into heat because I marked her before it happened.
Female wolves usually went into heat every few months if they weren’t marked after they met their mate. She didn’t have to go through that because I marked her before it happened.
“She is marked.” I mumbled, making Anna look back at me.
“Not twice.” Anna said, making my heart stop beating.