The Beast And The Blessed by Ashley Breanne
Chapter 99
Killian’s P.O.V.
Natalie stood in the hallway that led to my office, staring at the glass mural for over an hour before George alerted me.
I knew Tobias never would have told me. He had an extreme loyalty to Natalie that I was impressed with, but I wanted to know things like this.
How would I know if Natalie was not okay if they hid things like this from me? All I felt from her since the battle was numbness. It was almost draining to have that constant feeling in the back of my head, but I was determined to continue to support and love her for as long as she would let me.
“Were you coming to see me?” I asked softly as I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
Her skin was cold, and I held her tightly to my body to share my warmth. Natalie sighed softly as she let her body fall back against mine.
“Yes, but I got distracted.” I bit back a chuckle at her admission, pressing my face into her hair.
“Do you think She wanted me to k*ll so many of Her creatures, or is she angry that I abused Her gift for personal gain?” Natalie was staring at the final image of the full Lycan form on the far right of the window, and I followed her gaze.
There was no doubt in my mind that our ability to shift into that state was indeed a gift. We were stronger, faster, and more capable than those stuck on four paws. “I think she is proud of you. She wouldn’t have given you the ability if she didn’t want it to happen. Everything happens for a reason, and I have no doubt in my mind that She could have stopped it from happening if She wanted to.”
Natalie gave an understanding nod, but I didn’t for a second believe it was agreement. The feeling of numbness was still concerning, and I held her to me for another moment before pulling her back to my office. Everything she had felt from the war a few days ago had been locked inside her, and I didn’t know how to help.
It was like she had shut herself off from feeling anything.
She wasn’t the same woman she was before, and I wasn’t expecting her to be. She would have to accept what happened, and I would be there for her until she did.
The door closed softly behind me, and Natalie pulled away to stand with her back to the bookshelf.
“I don’t think I can give you a baby right now.” Her statement made my head move back in surprise. That was what was on her mind? The baby that we said we would eventually have together.
“We have all the time in the world, my love. I’m in no rush. Is that what you have been worried about?” Natalie’s hands clasped in front of her, her knuckles turning white as she rung her fingers together.
I stepped forward slowly, not wanting to scare her away as I moved to stand in front of my seat behind my desk. Her shoulders fell when I moved to have something between us, and I bit back the growl of frustration that was caused by her relief to be away from me.
“No… Yes, but not really. I just don’t think it is a good time until I can get myself under control.” She pushed off the bookshelf and walked behind one of the visitor’s chairs, placing her hands on it. The backrest molded to her fingers as her grip tightened on the item.
Control?
She had been the perfect image of control since we got back. I hadn’t even seen her react when we buried our lost and sent them back to the
Goddess. She had been expressionless, emotionless… numb.
“Do you feel like you are not in control?”
Her light green eyes held mine, and her walls started to crumble as water lined her lids. This was it. This was what I had been waiting for since we got home. She needed to mourn.
“The light was so bright, and She kept insisting that I let go. Then that flame came from me and k*illed so many….” Natalie let out a bitter laugh as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. “But I didn’t even feel it happen. She insisted that I let go, and I don’t even know how I did what I did. What if it happens again?
What if I get mad or scared, and I hurt someone?”
I shook my head and opened my mouth to disagree with her, but she cut me off as she began pacing the room like a caged animal. “I can’t let it happen again, Killian. I just wiped out an entire race and only felt a little tired afterward. That was it. I needed a f*uc*king nap! That is not safe! Not for our pack, for you, or for anyone!”
“You can learn how to control it better. The council will be here for a little bit longer, and they will be free to train you now. Your mother will be back soon, and she can help too. Everything will be okay.” I moved around the desk slowly. She stopped pacing, and her eyes moved to be glued to me as if she were debating whether she should run.
But she had to know I would chase her. I would follow her to the ends of the Earth, so there was really no point.
“I lay next to you at night, and I am scared to close my eyes, Killian. I am scared I might have a bad dream or be taken back to the shadow land, and I will wake up having burned the castle down in my sleep because I couldn’t stop my powers from feeding from my emotions.” Natalie’s pointer finger smashed down onto the top of the backrest as she glared at me. “I can’t sleep. I can’t feel. I am always scared that I might hurt you, and I don’t know how to make things better!”
It may have been instinct, or perhaps it was stupidity. Yet, I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around her tightly and holding her to me. Natalie struggled to pull free, but I refused to let go. Her little fists hit my chest as the tears streamed down her cheeks, and a sob ripped free from her throat.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You won’t hurt me. You’re not alone.” I continued to whisper reassurances in her ear as she slumped against me and finally let out her pain and sorrow.
After several minutes, Natalie calmed down but didn’t let go. Her tiny fist was tight around my shirt over my peck, and the other gripped the fabric by my hip. I could feel her hands shaking and rubbed mine along her spine soothingly.
My first goal would be to get her to sleep. The next would be to make her smile again.
I lifted my hand, pressing my palm against her cheek, and she leaned into it as she closed her eyes. “I love you. Everything is going to be okay.”
The corners of her lips pulled up slightly as she responded back with the same, “I love you.”